The Gayest Gay that has ever Gayed
by fbipandagirl
Summary: A short story my friend wrote. We're both obsessed with Sherlock and TMI, so naturally, we thought of what would happen if the two ever crossed-over...this was the result.


Alec stared at Magnus in unbelief as he kicked back yet another shot. Magnus had been pestering Alec ever since they arrived in England to go to this night club, and Alec eventually gave up protesting and said he would go. Alec hated every second he was there and he was pretty sure his lack of enthusiasm is what drove his boyfriend to get extremely drunk. Things were going fine though, until the manager announced it was open mic night... Alec just prayed that Magnus was too out of it to notice anything that was being said around him. Nobody needed Magnus doing open mic. But sadly, that was apparently too much to ask... Magnus immediately popped out of his chair.  
"It's open mic night?! This just got so much better! Come on, Alec, we can sing a duet or something." He tried to pull Alec up out of his seat, but it seemed like he was barely putting any effort into it.  
"No."  
"Pleeease?"  
"No."  
"Fine." Magnus held his chin up high and walked up to the empty stage. Any other time he would have probably done some sort of extraordinarily gay sassy walk because he was just denied a duet partner, but because he was so drunk he just kind of stumbled up there, almost falling when he tried to walk up the two steps leading up to the stage. He grabbed the mic off of the stage and cleared his throat.  
"Attention everyone!" He slurred loudly. "I have an original song that I would like to dedicate to someone...I've seen this couple all night and they..." For some reason, he started to cry a little. Alec shook his head, having no idea what was going to happen next. "They are just too cute! I can tell they really love each other and they are an inspiration to me. Will the man with the dark curly hair and scarf please come up here? Bring your boyfriend too. The one that looks like a hedgehog."

"Sherlock?"  
"Hm?"  
"I think someone is looking for you."  
Sherlock looked up abruptly from whatever he was looking at before. "And what would make you say that?"  
"Well, that guy up there on the platform just asked for the man with the dark curly hair and scarf to come up there."  
Sherlock become uninterested again, "I'm sure there are many men hair with dark curly hair and scarves on, John."  
"He said to bring your boyfriend. 'The one that looks like a hedgehog.'". John knew this would prove to Sherlock that the man was indeed looking for him. There had been more than one instance in which John had been likened to a hedgehog. Sherlock sighed, hating being disrupted.  
"Okay, let's just get this over with..."  
The two of them walked up to the platform where the man, now obviously covered in glitter and wearing leather trousers, had asked for them.  
"Get on up here, don't be shy!" He was obviously very drunk and you could tell he was from America, but he also had a hint of an accent from somewhere else mixed in. Sherlock and John gave each other a look that said "What the hell?" before walking up onto the platform as asked.  
"So, as I was saying," the man continued, "you two are such a cute couple and I just have the perfect song for you!"  
John nor Sherlock even bothered to correct the man about them being a couple. They weren't, but it was now normal to be mistaken for a gay couple. Sherlock never said anything anyway, and John had just grown tired of protesting that he was straight.  
"This is just a little song I wrote called, 'The Gayest Gay That's Ever Gayed'". Sherlock and John shared another "what the hell" look before the be-glittered man started his song.

Alec stared up at the stage in horror. Magnus had pulled up a couple and singing them an "original song" which he had no doubt just made up. The lyrics were basically just stating over and over, in different ways, that the couple was so blatantly gay that it was "fabulous". Alec felt personally responsible for this monstrosity that was occurring, so he decided he had to help in some way.  
The blonde one, presumably the one Magnus had called a hedgehog, was just standing up on stage looking mortified, and slightly terrified, as he watched Magnus finger-comb the brunette's hair. He looked extremely uncomfortable, but seemed frozen in place. Since Alec couldn't really do anything to help the brunette, he figured it was the least he could do was to drag the blonde one off the stage. Alec got up and nonchalantly retrieved the blonde man off of the stage.  
"Sorry, about that." Alec said. Pretty much the understatement of the year, he thought. "I would go up and get your boyfriend, but I would feel like that would only result in several pieces of his hair being pulled out."  
"You know him?" Was all the other man had to say back.  
"Yeah... Anyway, I'm Alec." He held out his hand. "That one," he motioned to the stage, "is Magnus."  
"John Watson. The other one up there is Sherlock Holmes."  
"Wait. Like, the Sherlock Holmes?" John just laughed a little and nodded. Alec choked back a laugh. Sherlock Holmes had been pulled up on stage by Magnus Bane and was currently having his hair tousled by him. "Anyway... Let me buy you a drink." Alec got the bartender's attention. "Two Red Royals." The bartender nodded and got to work. "He should be almost done... The song really can't go on for this long." Alec wondered aloud. Magnus had now moved on to taking off Sherlock's scarf in a long, roundabout way.  
As if the bartender had read Alec's mind, he placed the two shots infront of them.  
"Thank you," said John. "Cheers."  
The two men laughed and quickly downed their shots, leaving a strong burning sensation in their throats. Alec ordered two more shots for them and while they were waiting they just started having small talk.  
The two of them really hit it off, Alec noticed. John had mentioned his blog, which Alec had said he'd be sure to read, and John had also given Alec his cell number "just in case he needed help with anything" but the fact that it was his cell number let Alec know it was also for much more casual things.  
Their next shots had been put down and Alec was just about to take his when they heard a rather loud thud and an "Oowwwww!". The singing had also stopped. The two men looked over and saw Magnus wallowing on the floor infront of the stage and a very aggravated Sherlock Holmes re-doing his scarf and muttering something about how he would never be able to get the glitter off of his face. John took his shot before Sherlock reached them and Alec also gave him his. It was quite clear he was going to need it more than he was.  
"Come on, John, we are leaving." Sherlock blew past them, not even waiting for John to get out of his chair.  
"Nice meeting you, thanks for the drinks." John had left before Alec could respond, though.  
Alec walked over to where Magnus was still lying on the floor. "C'mon. Get up, Magnus."  
"He pushed me! He pushed me off of the stage!" Magnus yelled.  
"Well, did you deserve it?"  
"No!" Knowing that Magnus would never think he deserved to have any ill thing done to him, Alec asked what he had done.  
"I just kissed him! His lips looked really soft! And they were soft."


End file.
